Weaves, Wigs and the Black Man: A Tale of Woe

Recently, I was talking to a close male friend when he abruptly blurted out:

"Why do Black women put that fake crap in their hair? Don't they see it's ruining their beauty?"

Hmm.

He expounded by telling me about a young lady who he had interviewed for an internship at his job who wore a weave and, apparently, was looking ratchet.

"All I could concentrate on was the fact that she was bald until the fake hair started. (Read: when edges strike back.) She would have been 'aight' (Read: good looking, worthy of being approached in a romantic manner) if it wasn't for that weave."

Of course, we all know that edges can make a weave look horrible, no matter how expensive the hair. So I asked him if his opinion would change if she wore, say, a lace front to cover her edges.

"THAT JOINT THAT MAKE JAWNS (he's from the Philly area) LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE NO HAIRLINE?! HELL NO!"

He went on to express his love of women with "their own" hair over women with... enhancements, citing smell of weave (it always smells awful, apparently), tactical issues ("You try to stroke your girls head and it's like touching a furry helmet") and, of course, logistical ("if we're engaging in adult activity and things get a little passionate, I would like the option of giving her hair a little tug without the pulling tracks out.").

All valid concerns, I suppose. Even though her weave wouldn’t smell if she washed it and if she got a good weave it wouldn’t feel as hard. Oh, and she’s a person, not a horse—don’t’ pull that hard-- weave or no weave.

Said male friend is also in love with Toni from "Girlfriends." Yes, Toni, the most unbe-weave-able Girlfriend with the 24 inch Remy Velvet flowing to the middle of her back. And I’m sure he would love the opportunity to almost “pull her tracks out.”

Then, of course, is the natural hair argument. The male theory that women who sport their natural curls are gorgeous, more self-confident, and lower maintenance. (As a natural girl myself, I refute the low maintenance argument. These curls ain’t no punk!)

One male friend comes from a family of women who all have long, beautiful, natural hair. His girlfriend, however, is an admitted addict to the creamy crack. When I asked him why he admires natural hair so much, he replied:

“I like natural hair b/c [stet] its beautiful all the time. Processed hair gets messy ... like the bounce only lasts for the first 2 weeks then after that...chicks’ hair be [stet] as stiff as a pre teen watching porn.”

(Moment of silence for the fact that I just all the way *DIED.*)

Now, although I, too, love natural hair, we have to admit that some au natural sisters do get a little too lazy with their…um..”freeness.” Natural hair will still smell if you don’t wash it and can, very easily, lack shine and feel dry. I dare to say natural hair requires even more maintenance than relaxed hair—it just looks easier to maintain. But, of course, men only see the end result.

Curious to get to the bottom of this, I asked another male friend of mine, who is vehemently against weaves, the difference between say, Beyonce, wearing a weave and someone he is involved with sporting one.

“I don’t like Beyonce like that. Her weaves always look whack.” (I can’t help but agree, but we don’t talk bad about Ms. Carter on my blog.)

So I asked if he objected to his beloved Keri Hilson’s weave.

“Hell yea, the hairstyle she got going right now is whack. She looks better with her real hair.”

*side eye* “You know she always wears weave right?”

“EVEN THE SHORT HAIR! :-o”

So I basically busted his bubble. Had to hit him with the “Keri Hilson, Toni Braxton, Gabrielle Union, Jennifer Hudson and (*gasp*) Alicia Keys all wear weaves in some way, shape, or form.

And after he stopped with the “Are you serious?!” and “You’re Lying!!” “Do any of my favorite women wear they’re real hair?!” he got to the one statement that made the most sense:

"I guess if I couldn’t tell, then I wouldn’t mind as much."

Basically, he doesn’t really mind the fakeness of the hair, Ladies. It’s the ratchet-ness that he can’t deal with.

So if you rock it, rock it right, and you should be fine.

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