On my usual Friday perusing of the blogosphere, I jumped on a posting by Demetria Lucas, Author and Essence Magazine Relationships Editor’s (www.abelleinbk.com; proceed with caution, it’s addictive. I. Love. Her.) entitled “Do you care what your man thinks? Should you?” (Fab read.)
Her inspiration was an article on Nicole Bitchie’s Blog by LJ Knight. So I decided to take a look at some of his articles, since I’ve been hearing his name tossed around as of late.
And this stood out to me:
“Men feel that they are entitled to a good woman regardless of their behavior. Good is how a woman is supposed to be in their minds. She is supposed to be virtuous, understanding and completely accepting of all of the issues and drama that he may come with. It doesn’t matter how he behaves. She is supposed to play her role regardless, because she is a woman. So, no matter how well you treat him, it won’t affect his behavior toward you. In his mind, you are behaving like you should. You are giving of yourself the way a good woman is supposed to. There is nothing significant about that to them.”
First reaction: *blank stare*
First thought: “That’s BS”
Second thought: “It’s true though.”
Third thought: “Still BS.”
I was reminded of a conversation I had with one of my male friends, who shall remain nameless. We discussed a girl he was, in an attempt to keep it PG-13, “smushing (see: Jersey Shore: smush, smushed, smush room.). She was a pretty girl with banging body, armed with a degree, fairly attractive and obviously liked the HELL out of my friend.
But he was stuck, fixated even, on another girl who just wouldn’t “go” --shoutout to my Chi town folk. Read: “smush” above--and wasn’t nearly as attractive as the “goer”(person who “goes). He took her to dinner, the movies, and “checked in” with her. And he even gave her weekend access. NOW YOU KNOW men, especially Black fraternity men (it’s a generalization, but you’ll be alright) don’t give weekends to any woman he’s not serious about.
Of course, I was intrigued. Why would the girl who was giving you what you presumably wanted, be treated differently, albeit with less respect, than the girl who was withholding herself from you?
“Because she went (past tense of “go”, see above) too easy.”
How simple…How..matter of fact.
And then I read the quote. Something clicked.
Why doesn’t the “Goer” feel the same sense of entitlement? Doesn’t she deserve a good man?
Don’t all women deserve a good man? And why is it that we are so forgiving of their flaws when they are not of ours? Like he says in the article, we are expected to accept him as he is-- flaws, past and issues—and be his “good girl.” Yet, the “goer” went too fast? So her transgressions are insurmountable, but the fact that this man would sleep with one woman while dating another is supposed to be accepted by the “Good Girl” he ends up with?
*Blank Stare*
And repeat thoughts number one, two and three.
“That’s BS. “
“It’s true though. “
“Still BS.”
What do you all think? Pontificate.
