Recently, as is my normal tweet habit, I posted an article from CNN entitled "Does the Black Church Keep Black Women Single?" because I found the subject matter to be interesting. I disagreed with the whole premise of the article, but was alarmed at the responses I received from those that followed the link.
Black women-- educated, gorgeous, intelligent Black women-- are feeding into this media induced nonsensical hysteria that we will never be married. And while we can't be blamed-- Lord knows Dateline and Nightline and 20/20 have saturated us with the notion that our definition as women is rooted in marriage-- I think there is more investigating to be done before we start mass hysteria.
And this is not to say that the statistic isn't alarming. Yes, 42% of Black women in America are unmarried. Yes, this data is disheartening. I, like every other women in America, regardless of race, status, geographic location, and even sexual disposition want to be in a loving, life long commitment with a mate.
But let's list the plethora of reasons the media says I won't ever be married:
1) I'm too educated.
2) I'm too loud.
3) I'm too opinionated.
4) I'm too unhealthy and, if I am fit, my hair is a mess.
5) I have too many kids.
6) I carry too much emotional baggage.
7) I'm too independent, so I don't need anyone.
8) I have too much of an attitude (probably should have been number one).
9) I don't know how to be in a partnership. And; now
10) I love Jesus to much.
It's getting to be quite a lot. It's overwhelming and unfair and enough to make you feel desperate right?
Almost like it's a set up to be helpless. Right?
I am not trying to take away from the from unfortunate nature of our situation. We're not getting married at a rate that's comfortable for any of us. But, what is more disheartening is the desperation and overall feeling of helplessness that is stemming from the media's constant reiteration of these facts.
Black people, women especially, are receiving scholarships to attend top institutions and graduating. We are beating odds and becoming the professionals and life changers that we were once told we weren't smart enough to be. We are holding jobs that historically shut us out and reserved for men and are excelling past the expectations of everyone around us and bringing our people with us.
Where are the Dateline specials on these statistics?
So, while it is a problem, this marriage statistic cannot begin to define the Black woman. Let our definition be found in the dignity of our strength, the beauty of what we have accomplished and the reverence we pay to the scars that serve as beautiful reminders of those obstacles we have overcome.
WE must define the Black woman. And, if our accomplishments are any indication, we are doing just fine.
